Familly is quite often compared to our own roots. More than that, we regularly hear from the popular sayings that "we don't choose" our family, and therefore must do the most of it. There is an idea that you have to work with what is given to you no matter what.

Is this a truly sane, logical and loving thing to do? It sure is, in some cases. But the extreme meaning stretching that some love to make with this contextual idiom definitely isn't.

While the fact that you have to work accordingly to what is given to you is a solid observation, its sense is seldom understandable as "you must work WITH what is given to you".
It is, most of the time, way closer to "you must work OUT what is given to you, then work with what is working FOR you"

Which is a humongous difference.

If your family is comparable to a tree primary source of nourishment, it does not mean that you have to accept that, if they turn out to be rotting and sipping your life away, you should allow that crime to unfold.
It is your right, and responsibility to you and the existence given to you, to act accordingly for your highest good, with the people sharing that concern with you. And these people may or may not be your native family, whether they are conscious of it or not.

The fact that your family is your roots only means that they carry the duty to be a source of nourishment and stability for you. In any other case, they just are parasites waiting to be severed from your trunk. And you must make this call. You are the only one to have the power and possibility to do it.

Way too often I meet people trying to convince themselves that keeping in touch with massively toxic peoples, under the sole excuse that they share the same bloodline, is a charge they cannot escape. If you feel that way about your own "close ones", they are your jailors, not your family.

But what will happen if you suddenly decide to take the jump and leave behind your first family? After all, they are the only ones you knew with this role, isn't it? A tree can only have a set of roots, cannot it?

Yeah. Unless it is relocated to another place, a more fertile one. there it will grow its own roots. Different from the ones that witnessed its rise from a sprout to a tree.

The truth is that you'll always find in your way people that truly care about you and your well being, under two crucial conditions. The first one is that you must let them enter your life. And the other one is that you must let go of every other people around you. Those who do not value as much your happiness and sanity as they value their opinion, they habits, their little world, their fear, their anger, their laziness, their stubbornness or their mediocrity...

And in this case, the most loving thing to do, for them as much as for you, is to let your courage shine, and a new set of root grow...

Adrien Zanetta

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Photo crediting : Kristy Kravchenko